No Safe Space

I wasn’t always strong and confident in myself. All of grade school and junior high, I was bullied. It got so bad that my mom almost pulled me out of the public-school system and homeschooled me. I instead ended up switching to a different high school when that time came around, but a lot of damage had already been done. The bullying happened mainly during school. Mean words from mean girls, and occasionally physical abuse. I never said or did anything back, just took it. Sports were my safe space, or so I thought. Because of my height, I excelled at volleyball and track. I thought that in these settings, the girls wouldn’t be mean to me because I was a teammate that helped them win. I was wrong.

To give a little background information on the scenario I’m about to describe – I have celiac disease and I’m very allergic to gluten. A crumb and I get sick for weeks, if it touches my skin or I breathe it in I get sick for weeks. During the school day this affected me greatly during lunch period in grade school. Multiple times, the group of the popular girls would come up to me, shove me, say a few mean words making fun of me for packing a lunch every day instead of eating the school’s lunch like everyone else, and then throw my food away. I used to eat my lunch in a bathroom stall to avoid this from happening. Once I got to junior high, one day my science teacher saw me eating in the bathroom and prompted me to explain the situation to her. For the rest of junior high, I ate my lunch every day in the science teacher’s supply closet to avoid an opportunity for them to bully me. The bullying happened at recess too, so I would skip that and instead read a book or do homework in the bathroom/science teacher’s closet. During school, I did not feel safe or welcome at all. Sports were my escape from bullying. Until one day, there weren’t.

Gluten is in more than just food. I have to use gluten free make up, shampoo, conditioner, perfume, etc. Since perfume has gluten, when girls on the volleyball team would spray it in the locker room after games, I would get sick. I had to miss school and games because of the reaction my skin had as well as the reaction my stomach had. The volleyball coach addressed this to the girls, and asked them to wait to spray their perfume until I was finished changing and could leave the locker room. I fully believe up to this point, they had no idea they were making me sick with the perfume. After some of the girls were made aware of this however, things took a turn for the worst. After the next practice they walked up to me, sprayed their perfume in my face, and walked away laughing. It seems like a minor thing to happen, perfume seems harmless, but I am very allergic to gluten. My face swelled shut and I couldn’t open my eyes after this happened, and I had to miss our regional game. This was the moment I realized that no space was safe. Not even sports were safe anymore. After this year, I transferred schools and things got a lot better for me.

This bullying was a result of an imbalance of power. The popular girls, based on their status, had the most power. Me being a girl who was not very popular at school, having little to no self-confidence, made me an easy target. This power imbalance is a result of these girls feeling more privileged than me, believing that they’re better than me simply because they are who they are and I am who I am. They needed no further reasoning than that, just as the men needed no further reasoning to question and bully DiCario as a reporter simply because she was a woman (2016/2019, 369). This situation existed on the basis of the mentality that their lives are worth more than mine. That because I was not as attractive as them, because I was weak, shy, and nerdy, I deserved to be treated less than them. That is how this situation was created, and honestly, I feel like I am at fault for why this situation was maintained. I never stood up for myself. I never said or did anything to stop them. Instead, I hid. Instead, I came home crying. If I had stood up for myself, the cycle would not have persisted as long as it did, and I would not have been left as damaged as I am. My role in this situation was the target, and because of the way I let them treat me, I had little to no power over anything.

References:

DiCaro, J. (2019). Women in the sports media face unrelenting sexism in challenges to their expertise and opinions. In S. Schultz, J. O'Reilly, and S.K. Cahn (Eds.), Women and sport in the United States: A documentary reader (pp.367-371). Lebanon, NH: Dartmouth College Press. Previously published from Women's Media Center, (2016, April 30). http://www.womensmediacenter.com/speech-project/women-in-sports-media-face-unrelenting-sexism-in-challenges-to-their-expertise-and-opinions

Bullying and the Not-So-Blindside of Sport

Santhi Soundarajan in 2006 Asian Games

The past unit's readings begin to help us examine the historical marginalization of women's athletic bodies who fail to ascribe to the traditional notions of Judith Butler's heterosexual matrix.  Nude parades, Barr Body testing, and today's testosterone testing reinforce and reconstruct social norms related to assigned sex and gender.  Sports studies scholars argue that these practices continue to codify sport, and particularly, elite performances with sport, as male and masculine.  Consider that no men  have ever been subject to such biological scrutiny by the International Olympic Committee or the International Federation of of Amateur Athletics (not even when they fall ill or come in last place).  I would argue that this is a form of structural bullying, that sportswomen unfairly continue to endure.  Of course bullying in sport can rear its nasty head in many ways that are defended and protected by players, coaches, and a variety of other structural gatekeepers: hazing, hate speech, homophobia, and sexual assault are far too prevalent in both sports for men, women, teens, and children (Frazier, 2001/2019; Griffin, 1992/2019).

Our current cultural discussions around bullying are typically related to school-aged children.  Stopbullying.gov, defines this practice as, unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Steubenville, OH

Perhaps my use of conceptualization of sex testing in sports is a bit outside of the box in today's child-centered conversations.  Despite this, there's something going on here, and that something is a power play of sorts.  Julie DiCaro hints at in her discussion of the type of cyber-harassment that herself and other women in sport media brace themselves for regularly (2016/2019, 369).    Whether we consider bullying from the perspective of children in schools, locker rooms, the adult workplace, or even residence halls at SAU, we'd be fools not to critically examine the diffuse and dynamic nature of power.  It's not just a matter of a survivor and aggressor.  There are structures, perhaps people who  suspect and do nothing, under report, or turn the "blind eye" (to use an ableist metaphor) to the situation(s).  Sayreville High School, Steubenville High School, Penn State University, and a litany of other athletic institutions have utterly failed to protect our young people, our most vulnerable populations, and in many ways, our humanity from blatant imbalances in interpersonal and institutional power. 

This week, I'd like you to reflect on a time from your youth (or maybe more recently), where you witnessed, experienced, or participated in a form of bullying in sport, physical education, or some other setting within physical culture.  If this seems unclear to you, visit stompoutbullying.org for a great overview of the physical, verbal, and relational bullying that can occur in sport.  Provide some context to the situation and examine the imbalance of power.  It is important the you identify who had the most power and whose power was being attacked or chipped away at.  How might you describe such an imbalance?  Why did it exist in the first place?  How or why was this situation created? Maintained?  How did the cycle cease (if it did at all)?  Be sure to show rather than tell.  Last, I'd like for you to identify your role and the level of power that you possessed in this incident.  Were you a bystander that could have made a difference?  This is not meant to be indicting, rather a moment to reflect and learn from.  Limit your entry to 500-750 words and be sure to include an image or video related to your post.  Please  note that this may trigger powerful emotions or cause you to re-experience past pain and trauma.  If this is the case please contact me immediately.  If you feel you need further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact Counseling Services at 563/333-6423 or your Residence Hall Director.

As a Green Dot Etc. violence prevention instructor, I'd like to think that I'm always "on it."  Let me share a brief story that occurred within the last six months.  I truly wish I had responded differently, more quickly, and more, well, like the Dr. E that I like to see myself as.  Gulp... here goes nothing.

Friday is for fires.  For a long time, I didn't teach much on Fridays.  Each Friday, I still came to SAU and tend to the fires from my teaching week.  Put a few out, fan a few flames, start a new one.  It's part of the rhythm of what was a four-day teaching schedule. Throw eating a Rogo quesadilla in there and that's my day.  A lot of catch up and a few chuckles with colleagues or students who come in for office hours.  The night is mine.  After dinner, my partner and I travel to our localroller rink and enjoy jamming, skating the oval, and practicing new toe work on our quad skates.  It's a great way to unplug from work with whatever hot garbage top 40 they are playing (you know, I Like It, Breathin, Sunflower, Love Lies ).  We burn some calories, relax a bit, and maybe reconnect over Checkers twist cones or watch Real Time With Bill Maher or a new episode of Nailed It or Great British Bake Off.  At the rink, we're old (it's all relative).  Usually we're the only pair of adults without kids, but we're a fixture, and we love checking in with the young people who are there.  The rink guards are typically pretty young, 16-21, and the young teens, tweens, and young kinds think the guards are the coolest.  Growing up at a pool, the rink guards are the rolling versions of the lifeguards that I worshiped.  Last spring, one of the regulars, an 8th grader named Taylor (pseudonym) was very excited to tell me about some more "boy drama."  As usual, I braced myself and tried to feign interest preparing to remind her about focusing her energy on our own talents and other not cool things you would say to a boy-crazed eighth grader.  This time it was something about one of the rink guards.  A seventeen year old, who happened to have previously dated one of Taylor's cousins.  Oh the drama!  Taylor and the guard had been regularly chatting via Messenger.  Kind of a lot.  It seemed odd to me initially, but I assumed it would cool down.  This particular visit, Taylor was very upset that the guard was using the ap to communicate his disgust with Taylor's cousin for breaking up with him before prom.  Fast forward, to me learning and seeing some of the language that was tacking back and forth between this thirteen-year-old girl and seventeen-year-old's phone.  I was incensed!  Before I could even process it, she had rejoined some friends.  I skated the oval and briefly discussed it with my partner.  We determined it was probably a good idea to talk with the manager if not the guard himself.  Neither were there that night, or the next time we visited.  The drama must have died down, because it never came up again.  Six months later, I eventually mentioned it to the owner's wife after she told me about a crop of new hires.  That rink guard is long gone, but he skates there occasionally I still gristle when I see him flirt with the young girls.  I know he is young, but at this age, he has power over them.  I watched many friends fawn and fall over older boys.  Was this bullying?  What it was, was abusive and inappropriate.  I wish I could go back in time and do more than tell Taylor to block him for a week.  I didn't handle that fire right at all, and I know that the next time I see a near adult interacting with a junior-high aged person, I won't skate by.

References:

DiCaro, J. (2019). Women in the sports media face unrelenting sexism in challenges to their experise and opinions. In S. Schultz, J. O'Reilly, and S.K. Cahn (Eds.), Women and sport in the United States: A documentary reader (pp.367-371). Lebanon, NH: Dartmouth College Press. Previously published from Women's Media Center, (2016, April 30). http://www.womensmediacenter.com/speech-project/women-in-sports-media-face-unrelenting-sexism-in-challenges-to-their-expertise-and-opinions 

Frazier, I. (2007). On the rez. (2007). In Schultz, J. O’Reilly, J. and Cahn, S.K. (Eds.), Women and sport in the United States: A documentary reader, 2nd ed (pp. 325). Hanover, NH: Dartmouth University Press. Excerpt from Frazier, I. (2001). On the Rez.  New York City, NY: Picador.

Griffin, P.  (2007). Changing the game: homophobia, sexism, and lebians in sport. In Schultz, J. O’Reilly, J. and Cahn, S.K. (Eds.), Women and sport in the United States: A documentary reader, 2nd ed (pp. 234-253). Hanover, NH: Dartmouth University Press.  Previously published in Quest 44 (1992), 251-265.

Hansen, C. (2007). Sex, lies and volleyball. In O’Reilly, J. and Cahn, S.K. (Eds.), Women and sport in the United States: A documentary reader (pp. 246-257). Boston, MA: Northeastern University Press. Previously published in  Chicago 45:2 (1996), 56-63.