Gender Expression

I have never really considered myself to have one, specific gender expression. Growing up, I had an older brother. We liked to play sports, hike, and just do any physical activity for fun. I always have had more guy friends than girlfriends. Many guys to me just enjoy the same stuff and are easier to get along with than girls.

Also, when I was little, I liked to do these kinds of things with my dad. We would play catch, shoot hoops, throw the football, and so much more. As I got older and played organized sports, I got into more girl activities and had more girl friends. I changed how I dressed, and started to wear makeup. I always had a big group of guy friends, however. I always consider myself as a "bro" or "one of the dudes". I do not think there should be differences in what girls should do as opposed to guys.

All different types of people look at themselves in different ways. I choose not to label everything.

Another thing I do in my life that people always have something to say on, is weight lifting. I have been into lifting since my freshman year of high school. I played volleyball, basketball, and did track. During all of these sports; however, I always enjoyed the lifting more. I began working one on one with two of my female coaches on my weightlifting, along with conditioning. I was in the best shape of my life, and the strongest. My junior year of high school I began CrossFit. CrossFit is what I do to keep up my physical activity now. I love it. It is competitive and challenging.

I believe that I do have some "masculine" ways to express my gender, along with many "feminine" ways.

Gender Expression

One of my earliest memories I can recall where I was praised for being manly was when I was about 8 or 9. My dad had served in the Marine Corps and every couple of years him and his marine buddies would meet up and have a big BBQ. I loved these gatherings when I was younger because it gave me a chance to see how my dad truly was when he wasn't bothering with us kids. He was and always has been a "guys guy" and I suppose I've grown into that role as well. The earliest time I can remember where I was though was at one of these BBQs. My family and I were at one of my dad's buddies house and there were manly marines abound. He and his sons, who were about my age, had set up a slip and slide in the front yard for anybody to take part in. Of course us kids gravitated towards it immediately and proceeded to test our limits. The slip and slide was not very long, but it was exceptionally slippery. Perfect for flying off the back end with a good head of steam and looking pretty cool for doing as a nine year old. Well after a few times of us flying down it and soaring through the backstop our dad's started to take notice. They started to cheer us on to see who could go the fastest and fly the farthest from the backstop in to the grass. I was determined to out-do my sliding comrades and fly the furthest to impress my dad and his buddies. Soon it was just me and the oldest of the brothers who still had the stamina and fortitude to fly down the slide. At this point it had started to hurt and become not so fun, but the praise I received pushed that to the back of my mind. Now cuter daughters had even started to notice so I couldn't stop if I wanted to. After a final speedy and brutal roll down the hill I was declared the toughest and inspired a marine corps hymn amongst my new marine buddies. It is my earliest memory of feeling proud for being tough, but looking back upon it now I know that situation would have been much different had it been my sister doing the sliding.

Gender Expression

The first time I realized I was a girl was back in kindergarten. It was at P.E and we were conducting fitness test. I wanted to be the fastest one around the track and out of the girls I was. We had been training the whole school year for these test . The day came and we all gathered on the track. The p.e teacher blows the whistle and we’re off.  I came in third that day. I cried as soon as I finished. I was so upset and hurt that I didn’t win. I lost to two boys. My teacher begin to explains to me that I should be happy I beat the rest of the class and that males or boys will always naturally be better in sports that require strength. Not the best thing to tell a kindergartner, but it did help me stop crying and accept the fact that at least in some way, I Won !

Through my life I have always thought of myself as a girl. Not a girly girl, but just a regular normal girl. I’ve played several different sports and personally I believe none of them make me seem boyish at all. I’ve learned that just because a boy has an advantage doesn’t mean you can try to be better yourself.

Gender Expression Throughout My Life

Growing up in a household filled of 3 sisters sometimes things can be rough. I am the youngest of 3 sisters and with being the youngest I always felt left out. My dad and I were always so close. I felt connected because we liked similar things. For example my typical Saturday afternoon would include me helping my dad fix things around the house then end our day would end with playing horse in the background. It's not an unusual thing to be like your dad and hope to have the skills he has someday.
As I got older everything continued I still liked to hangout with my dad learning to build and fix different problems each day. My dad always wanted me to do sports as well so then basketball, volleyball, soccer, golf, softball, Tae Kwon Do all the sports started. I was a very active child going to different practices and tournaments every weekend. But I loved that I could do it with my dad.
My parents are always my biggest supporters and I'm so thankful having them in my life. I wouldn't say I'm a tom boy but I'm definitely a different type of girl. I like challenges and having all the tools to fix or solve the problem. This only grew as I got older. My sisters eventually started getting boyfriends and then husbands. I loved hanging out with them whether we were just watching sports or heading to the range it is something I always prefer then hanging with my sisters. And to do this day, I would much rather hang with the guys then the girls. I am a student at Ambrose who loves adventure and is studying cybersecurity, which is a really important job field. If I would have never been so close to my dad growing up "doing the boy things" then I would have never chosen my career path or some of the most hardest decisions in my life. I am so happy with who I am and who I have become with my body. I am a confident woman in computer science and having these certain traits that make me, me is something wonderful to have.

Gender Expression

Pretty much since the beginning of time I have always been the girl who got along better with boys that girls. I grew up as the only girl on my street and so the natural instinct was to run around and get dirty with the guys, and to me that was normal. I didn't have only guy friends either, at school I would still always be friendly with the girls, but when it came down to it I would rather of played flag football or knockout that play tag or swing with the other girls. My parents never saw it as an issue, my guy friends never saw at as an issue, and no one to my knowledge had an issue with me being one of the guys until sixth grade when I picked up the sport I love: lacrosse. 

Where I'm from, central Illinois, lacrosse wasn't as big as it is now. So when I picked up the sport the only option for me in my area was to play with the guys, which big shocker I had no issue with. I had already hit my growth spurt at this point and was naturally taller that most of the boys and a little more built in general from other sports and games I had played growing up. Which one would think would not be an issue while playing a sport that requires a little more physicality. But this was not at all what I experienced, and unfortunately made me stick out even more since most girls are not really built the same as I was.

While playing lacrosse, I experienced for the first time not feeling socially accepted for being a girl. I had no issue taking a hit or putting my shoulder down before making contact, because for me playing with the guys on my street my entire childhood, these actions were normal. But being put in a new environment with new guys and a new coach who were all extremely aware of my femininity I for the first time felt like I wasn't just one of the guys. None of my teammates would want to run drills with me at practice or during games I became basically untouchable which was great for when I had the ball and wanted to score, but made me feel so isolated. It made me question if I actually wanted to play this sport.

After playing with the guys for two years my area finally introduced a girls lacrosse program, and I was encouraged to go play on that team  instead. I still had a great love for the sport but it was definitely a little culture shock learning the new set of rules that were so different to those of boys lacrosse. There was virtually no contact allowed at all, no padding whatsoever requires, and the worst part of all traditional uniforms required a shirt. But I also was able to find my first group of actual girl friends while playing this sport and even with the skirts and lack fo contact I was still able to find a sport that I was passionate about.

My Gender Expression

I cannot remember a moment when I was told to act or be more femenine. I have always been a tomboy. My mom was also a tomboy growing up on a farm in northern Iowa, so she was not particularly an influence for me to “act like a girl.” Most of my friends were boys as a child and I have a younger brother that I would always play outside with. We would play in the dirt, ride our bikes or scooters, or be in our neighbor’s pool. I was never dressed in “girl” clothing unless it was for a big event like school picture day or a music concert, those were the days that I despised. I also played on a lot of coed softball and soccer teams as a child. 

It was not until middle school when I started to act more feminine. This was the time when I started having more girl friends and playing girl-only sports. They also acted a lot more feminine than I did, so I really wanted to fit in and be more like them. I would dress more like a girl, have long hair, wear mascara, and straighten my hair. In my classes, I would sit with my legs crossed under my desk and had overall more feminine body movements. 

It was not until my later years of high school that I relearned that I does not matter what others think of me. I stopped trying so hard to fit into my gender and being feminine. Today I just do whatever makes me happy and comfortable.

Being a boy

For this topic I really had to think hard about a time or incident that first made me hear what "being a boy was about." While thinking, a memory of my junior football league came into my head. I think that it was my first year of tackle football so I was probably in third grade. We were doing a tackling drill for the first time. Many of the players were somewhat afraid to hit someone. I remember the kid in front of me going and one of my coaches yelling at him "Jon if that is as hard as you can hit you might as well go to cheerleading practice." This took nine year old me by surprise and I somewhat learned about the aggression that perceived by people that boys should have. The comment also a negative impression towards cheerleading practices. There is a physical demeanor and aggression that is almost expected of you for being a male. Having an older brother helped me with this because him and I would always fight so I had no problem hitting someone or being aggressive. This has stayed true my whole life because I am still playing the violent sport of football today.

Growing up I looked up to my dad and wanted to do anything that he was doing. I would consider my dad a masculine man and does a lot of masculine things. We taught me how to hunt and fish and do many other things. Watching him as I was growing up I modeled what I was doing after him because that is how I thought things should be and what I should do being a boy. Thankfully he is a great person and I turned out alright. I think that I had mostly positive messages about my body and gender when I was growing up. I would consider myself more masculine participating in some of the most masculine sports so I fit into the societal "norm."

Our culture emphasizes a feminine ideal body and demeanor that contrasts with an athletic body and demeanor ( Vikki Krane). I personally can not relate to this but I have experience this first hand with my sister. My sister has been very athletic her whole life. She was a very good softball player in junior high and high school. She is built like an athlete so she would often get teased by people thinking that she was a lesbian. I could tell several times that it upset her and confused her. I remember her saying to me "I don't understand why softball players get made fun of for having their bodies in the best physical shape, when that is what all other sports do and it is alright for them." This made a lot of sense to me and is something that I think needs to change in society. As a society we need to be more accepting of female athletes. We need to appreciate how great a lot of females athletes are at the sports they compete in rather than focusing on other things.

Gender Expression

The first memory that I have of “being a girl”, was through my father; not something that I had done personally. With all of my siblings, I was the only girl; so, I was given different expectations. The main moments I followed through with the way my parents wanted me to be a girl was when they would dress me in pink and/or frilly dresses. I did this part of being a girl right until my parents weren’t around. Then I would wear clothes that I felt comfortable in (t-shirt and jeans). I was lucky to have the parents that I did, though, because once I got to a certain age, they let me be and dress myself; and I enjoyed way less dresses and the color pink and stuck to more of darker of colored clothes.

To an extent they had to let me be what I was going to anyways because I started playing softball from a young age and we played positions and in-game in a rotation so that everybody had a chance to play. When it wasn’t my turn to be in the game, I would sit down, play with the boys and play in the mud and sand that was next to the field. Mostly because of being at the field, nobody really took it further than “kids being kids”. When I would go home though it was a different story. We had a creek near our house that myself and the neighborhood kids would sneak away to play in, and when I would come up (dirty, muddy, soaked from the water) I would get a small lecture from my dad that girls didn’t do that kind of thing.



There was never a moment, other than early on and the clothes I would wear, that there was a discussion about the way that I was or the way that I presented my body. Nobody has talk to me about my body, positively or negatively, because I went from 13 years of softball to an injury that required surgery, and a lot of people have been understanding about what stress and not being able to do the same activities will do to anybody’s body. The one thing that I did struggle with as a body image type was through softball was my body type (Schultz et al, 2019), but in the way that I wanted muscles like the other girls had because it seemed that those girls that I was playing against had more muscle and they had a tendency to hit the ball harder and farther and  struggled to gain muscle. There was motivation for my body image through the dissatisfaction. (Schultz et al, 2019). 

“Body Image.” Women and Sports in the United States: a Documentary Reader, by Jaime Schultz et al., Dartmouth College Press, 2019, pp. 78–79.

Gender Expression Throughout my Life

Growing up my mom didn't put my sister and I to the elementary schools near our neighborhood but instead put us in private school near the city of Chicago where she worked at. So at my private school the students were majority black and the male and female ratio was about the same and i got along with everyone just find. In my neighborhood back home everyone was white and i didn't start hanging out with them until the 6th grade when i got to know them better since my mom decided to transfer me to the middle school near our house. My parents are very old school and are very religious people who doesn't really understand or approve of certain things that's been going on in today's society. My parents put me in a lot of sports growing up to experience different things like playing with females, different races, etc.. and i got along with everyone just fine. When i was in middle school my parents started to notice that i would hangout with a lot of white female friends and they always told me that it is fine just don't marry a white person and i never thought about why my parents would ever say that, but once i got older i understood why because when my parents grew up in the south during the 1950's through 1980's it was mostly dangerous for an interracial couple to show their love during that time, but now i know my parents doesn't care on what race i marry. So there was an even amount of boy and girls to hangout with in my neighborhood and i was lucky enough to be friends with them until they got to high school since they were a couple of years older than me. The first official organized sport i did through a school was in 7th grade, everything was new to me the people, classes, transportation, and i pretty much had to start over. Basketball and track were my two favorite sports growing up because i will never forget my mom told me a story of me being 3 years old and my parents took me to a track so that i can be with them while they'll do their workout and my mom was in the bleachers and all of a sudden she saw my 3 year old self running around the track supper fast and that i wouldn't stop and she tried to tell my dad to get me, but all he said that he's a runner let him be and from that day on i became one of the top runners in the state of Illinois. I always thought i would be a professional track runner but God had other plans and i am totally fine with that. Being where i am today helped me how to interact with different types of people no matter their race or sex, because where ever you work at after college you'll have to interact or work with different people and it's good that i grew up the way i did.

Gender Expression Throughout My Life

As far as I can remember, my entire life can be described as the typical girl being raised by how the society would approve of a young girl being. Yes, this means I was a girly girl, not so much when I was an infant or when I started to walk because my mom was pretty old school, so she put me in anything that could fit, even if that meant left over clothes from all three of my older siblings. Though when I was about four or five, I was at the age where I could decide what I really wanted to put on. My choice was to be girly, wearing barrettes & beads in my hair etc. As a young child I was very particular with how I wanted to wear my hair and I absolutely had to match everything. From top to bottom, which surprisingly enough is accurate still to this day. I remember even being so excited when I first noticed that I was beginning to grow boobs because that meant I was starting to become a young lady. I didn't like boys attempting to toughen me up, which was really hard when you live with two older brothers. I can remember always having to "snitch" to my mom that they'd been hitting on me and because I was so short they sort of had an advantage over me. Once I turned nine or ten, I let them have it. Turns out I was pretty good at fighting back which led me to starting the fights more often, but now they just get annoyed with me because they know I have a strong right hook. Moreover, getting toughened up by my older brothers didn't steer me away from my girly self in a way. Going into high school I found myself getting involved in a lot of things such as: band playing the flute, majorette team, girls swim team, girls track and field, and I even was the captain of the cheer leading team. All of these in a sense are gendered in some way, in my eyes swimming and track were the most competitive which was discovered in class to be a characteristic that mostly males acquire, but even so I was always up to the challenge. Outside of sports I was always presenting myself as that girl who dresses the right way, keeps up with herself, is friendly, outgoing, and just that ideal figure that you would think a woman/ girl should be, which ultimately led me to winning prom queen. At that moment I knew that not only I thought of myself as a prominent female figure, but others thought so as well.

Embodying Gender Throughout my Lifespan

I was fortunate growing up to live close to my cousins house and being able to see them and grow up with them throughout my child. There was a total of five boys between the two families. It was my older brother and I and then my three cousins that were boys as well. I was the youngest of the five by about three years. They have a sister that is my age but I always found myself wanting to hang with the boys whether they liked it our not. An example of a time I remember specifically was when we were all at our grandparents house one Sunday. My three cousins and brother decided they were all going to go outside and play tackle football in the yard. My grandma didn't want me to play with them because she thought I would get hurt being tackled by my older cousins. My other option was to draw with chalk on the driveway with my female cousin that is my age. I saw that option to be more feminine at the time and decided to play football. We would always come into the house all sweaty, bruised up and dirty. I never second guessed it because at the time it was what the norm was, every time boys would play outside, it usually ended with them being this way. My grandma was right, it did hurt a lot being tackled but I feel like it trained my body and myself to be more immune to pain easily. Being around them taught me to become mentally and physically tougher and my athleticism showed during the games. This helped me throughout my sports career as i got older because when games became more physical, I felt like I had an advantage at the time because of who I grew up with. My body was used to getting nudged a little while dribbling up the court or boxing out an opponent.


Another example of why I was put in the sports path I am currently in here at St. Ambrose, is because my grandpa and grandma on my dads side of the family had such a huge influence in my sport career. My grandpa was the one who taught me the game of basketball and my grandma who also played basketball growing up came to almost every practice to watch. What I think had a big influence of what sports I played was that my grandparents had four boys of their own. They were usually only involved in male dominant sports at the time. They never really got a taste of the female sports so they just stuck with what they knew and were most familiar with.

Gender Expression Throughout My LIfe

For one of my earliest memories about being a boy when sports were introduced into my life. By the age of 5, I always had a ball in my hand whether it be a basketball, soccer, baseball, or football. Boys are pressured to join sports at an early age so they can show the physicality side. Football for instance, when I was younger playing this sport we had to be the biggest or run the fastest to be elite in this sport even at an early age. Growing up I began to think that I needed a huge physical frame if I wanted to play the game of football. If you wanted to be successful playing football, you had to be bigger than most kids. Began to learn all the competitiveness side of sports. When one of my teammates began to cry, the coaches of this team punished him for crying because it showed a weakness in him. He had to run until he learned his lesson. As a little boy this showed me that it was not okay for boys to cry and show that sign of weakness to others. When girls cry it is seen as a norm and acceptable in society because that’s socially accepted.

            When I was growing up I played mostly basketball and fell in love with sport. I played all the way through high school. I gave up volleyball because it stopped being fun when I did not fit the norm of a typical shooting guard. I was tall and lanky freshman that they wanted in the post. I wanted to use my physical attributes to an advantage. I stopped playing basketball because I saw how much better I was at volleyball. I do identify as a male, but to some people the sport of volleyball is seen more as feminine in our society. I mostly wear athletic clothing, for instance I wear shorts with a Nike t-shirt. People do not give the sport a chance on the men’s side because the social norm is that only girls really play volleyball. Most guys are scared to play volleyball because they do not want to be seen as weird to their other peers. Volleyball has helped me advance my education and get know great people in this world. I was able to travel state to state with the events that were going on for high advance volleyball. Volleyball gave me great experiences that I will never forget. Playing the sport of volleyball did make me feel self-conscious that people were judging me for playing “a girls sport”.

            Looking back, gender with sports played a big role on how I presented myself. Football brought the aggressive side because you had to have a mentality that you will be the best and not let anyone stop you. When women cannot play football because there are not enough women that are 6 foot 5 that weigh almost 300 pounds. There’s an ideal body size that comes with a certain sport in our society today.

Being A Boy

This one brings back some good memories.  The first time I remember "being a boy" was in junior high.  My first year of junior high school was a nightmare. Our school was 6th-8th grade, so the difference in age wasn't to bad.  It was the first day that we dressed for P.E. Our class was a mixture of all the grades. Everyone knew who the 8th graders were, and everyone knew who the 6th graders were. I never got it, but it was almost like the 7th graders didn't exist sometimes.  Especially in that locker room. I had P.E first hour and never looked forward to it. On the first day we got our locks and workout clothes that we were provided to wear everyday of class. We went through the rules and goals for the semester. It was mainly pretty boring, but the one thing that I remember was this,  "You guys have first hour, make sure to shower. It's not a big deal you are all boys here" said Mr. Cunningham, my P.E teacher. I was mind blown. All I could do was look into the locker room shower. It looked like a dark cave. One of those creepy, scary ones you see in the movies. The walls were painted white and there were 6 different shower heads.  3 on each side. Lets just say the last thing on my mind was playing a game of kickball.  

 As the class period ended, I kept repeating what my teacher had said in his remarkable speech, "We are all boys, it's okay."  I knew that I wasn't the only one that was nervous, so I asked some of my fellow 6th graders if they planned on showering. Most of them said no, which was what I wanted to hear.  But, I think I failed to mention that I hit three inside the park home runs in the kickball game and did not smell the best. So, I decided that I was going to shower. My dad had prepared me for this He had mentioned that this is what it would be like being in a locker room.  So I felt like I was ready.  

It ended up not being too bad.  A few other kids showered and nobody made any weird eye contact.  I was shocked. It ended up being a good first day of junior high. I felt like this marked the first time I was "being a boy" because it was just the norm.  Things have changed around the world when it comes to gender identification. One thing that hasn't changed much is the community that makes up a locker room.  For the most part there is a men's locker room and a women's locker room. Especially in college athletics. From 6th grade to now, the locker rooms that I have seen haven't changed one bit.  I guess I'm just "being a boy"

Gender Expression in my life

    Sports, sports, sports! My whole life has revolved around sports. My father even says that my first word was "ball" (I'm not sure how true that is)! Growing up I had an older brother that is four years older than me. Anyone with an older sibling knows that, as the younger one, you want to mimic and do everything the older sibling did. Therefore, I played baseball, backyard football, and basketball constantly. Even sometimes I would go with him and his friends and compete in their airsoft matches. Those only ended in tears and my mom being upset.
     As you can tell I have been a tomboy my whole life. Not only did I play the sports my brother did, but I got all of his hand me downs. Everyday I wore a pair of basketball shorts, that didn't fit, and a t shirt. My main sport was basketball. This is one of the most masculine sports that girls and guys share. Basketball doesn't have any cute, tight clothing like other female sports. Instead we wear the same thing as guys and play the game the exact same way.
    I think my gender expression was policed when I was younger and maybe even to this day because of the fact that I take basketball so seriously. I identify as a female, but sometimes due to the sports I play and the competitiveness I have, my gender expression might rise in the masculine category. The activity we did in class about holding up what gender we think the word describes in today's society showed me that boys tend to think boys are the more competitive ones. This is why I think my competitive edge I have on the basketball court can translate into other activities that bring a more masculine expression in some people's eyes.
    For example, when I was younger at recess everyone knew I would rather shoot hoops with the guys then "house" with the girls. I believe this to be an example of hegemony and habitus. Since recess was a time for the girls to hang out and gossip (habitus), they expected me to follow that social norm. However, I did not, I played with the guys and had no shame in it. This was against those girls hegemony. Until I started getting policed by these girls. These girls would call me a "tom-boy" and "boyish" and I knew it all had to do with the fact that I chose playing basketball and catch with the boys over gossiping with them.
   Another example that I experienced was when I went into Junior High School. All through middle school I dressed tom boy-ish. Then when I got into 7th and 8th grade, dances started to become a thing. No one ever saw me wear a dress. I did not have anything against dresses, I just thought my athletic apparel was more comfortable. Once the time of the dance came around, I wore the dress and heard the comment "wow I can't believe Madi is in a dress" multiple times.
  These comments never really bugged me because I was proud that I was a successful female athlete. As I went into high school and college basketball these comments were never made and I believe that is just because people are older now and more educated!

Gender Express Throughout My Life - Taylor Swanson

I grew up in a small farming community with a family consisting of my mother, father, and two brothers. Whether it was the rural area or my masculine brothers (or a combination of the two), it was not uncommon in my childhood to do boyish activities. In fact, one of my favorite activities growing up was riding in the tractor with my dad. However, despite these major components of my childhood, I was still very much influenced in a feminine manor. For example, one of my earliest memories from my childhood consists of me participating in dance class, more specifically, Ballet. While I enjoyed playing in the mud with my brothers and riding in the tractor with my father, I absolutely loved to go to dance class. Ballet class consisted of my childhood self wearing pink tutus, tights, and bows, and learning the art of Ballet dancing with some of my closest childhood friends. When my first recital time came along, my little self could not contain the amount of excitement and happiness I felt. On my first recital day, my mom took me to get my hair styled and pinned up by her hairdresser, and she even let me wear a little bit of makeup (lipstick and blush of course). Many, if not all, of my childhood girl friends shared a very similar experience. Therefore, I received positive, or encouraging, communication and feedback from this event in my life. My hair, makeup, and clothing followed the social construction of my gender, and in turn, the individuals around me encouraged just that. This event aided in forming my idea of femininity and how I wanted to portray myself. Furthermore, I believe this event in my childhood sparked my interest in girly things: makeup, hair, clothing, etc. However, this did not mean I lost my interest in boyish activities. In fact, helping my father in the fields is still one of my favorite past-times. While I was never necessarily punished or given negative communication from these activities, I definitely felt, and feel, more accepted doing typical girly activities. When reading about the paradox of the female athlete, it is clear that there is a big difference between the idea of what a woman should look like (petite, clean, pretty) vs. what the ideal athlete looks like (muscular, strong, sweaty). However, when it comes to exercise and sport, you should not do what you think is expected of you, you should do what makes you happy and comfortable. Furthermore, "there are positive links between positive body image and engaging in moderate exercise" (Schultz, O'Reilly, & Cahn, pg. 81). More importantly, exercise how, when, where & with who you want to-- that is exactly what I did as a childhood ballerina and it is exactly what I do as a busy college student now.

Gender Expression

Isn't it funny how we only remember some memories and not others? I believe that is because some memories hold such significance in our lives that you cannot just forget about. Well, some may be able to relate to that and some may not. However, I typically remember the tougher times than the joyful times much more because they have been harder to forget. As I grew up, I have always known I was a girl, however I was never the hegemonic image that everyone desires to be and I knew I wasn't. I knew I wasn't because I am a twin and I have always been compared to her since day one. Being a twin is not always as fun as people view it to be. I have been abused through the hateful comments of being the "bigger twin" as people would say. Yes, I am taller by 2 inches, however for most of my life I have typically been approximately 20 pounds heavier too. Many of the kids I went to school would torture me because I was "bigger" than my twin sister. They would call me the meanest names a little girl should never hear, just because I did not look like my sister who has always had this perfect hegemonic physique. That being said, my sister for most of her life has been under a 100 pounds with a flat stomach, tiny waist, and thin torso. My self-esteem had been at the lowest in my life. Within the chapter, they explain how low self-esteem is linked to a woman's weight, body fat, and body mass. With these negative perceptions I became very depressed as a young girl. Sometimes I did not feel like a girl at all and just felt as if I was a "fat person" as I would tell my mom. I suffered from bullying until about eighth grade when my mom had started me in travel soccer with my twin sister. We both played for the QC United soccer team. This was very eye opening for me because I was learning to be a better soccer player, as well as, becoming more fit and active with my body. I was able to express my anger through aggression and speed on the soccer field. For a big girl, I was pretty fast. I remember playing a team against Clinton and one of their defenders had yelled out to her teammates, "watch out she has wheels!" This way they would keep an eye on me, so I wouldn't be able to get pass them. Soccer had changed my life. I became more confident in myself, which had helped with my self esteem. I had even began to lose weight and gain happiness. I had also made a lot of new friends who didn't see me as the "bigger twin," but saw me for me for once. Sports gave me hope that everything was going to be okay. However, I may have not been the paradox of a female athlete, but I sure did feel like an athlete and I believe that is all that matters to me.

After a different childhood than others this had only made me stronger. I do not worry about what others have to say because I love my body. My body gave me the ability to run a triathlon, earn a soccer scholarship to St. Ambrose, and most recently carry and deliver a beautiful baby boy. I am proud of who I am and who I have become after the transformation of becoming a girl to a powerful woman.
Image 1: my twin and I as young girls in matching outfits and a girly hair style
Image 2: my first year in travel soccer

Gender Expressions Throughout My Life

When I was a little girl, I was raised as a girl meaning that I was dressed in all the pink, girly things ranging from dresses to skirts. But my problem was that I didn't act the part of being a little girl in girly things. I would always play outside and play rough with my little brother at home and never had any problems. When I went out in public with my family my mom would always lecture me that I wasn't acting "lady-like" enough or the "that's not lady-like" line was fed to me whenever I didn't sit the correct way, use the correct manners, etc. Even at school, I played rough, always got in trouble for playing too much and getting too dirty. I gave up on the girly dressing and started dressing like the tomboy I am. I grew up playing many sports and and most of the time I was always the most aggressive player on the field/court. I loved to play physical and to beat my opponent to the ball or make sure they didn't get to it under any circumstances. Luckily I was never critiqued on my aggressive way of playing because I was a girl. I was able to vent out some 'masculine' side of me through sports, which helped a lot, but that still didn't stop me from. Since my childhood experience of never acting "lady-like" enough still effects me to this day; I still dress like a tomboy, I don't ever wear make-up, or dresses unless I have to.

Gender Expression Throughout My Life

From what I can remember as a child, I have always been more of a tomboy. I might have been seen playing with my barbies or dolls every once in a while, but most of the time I remember being more interested in the toys my younger brother was playing with. My grandparents live on a farm, so my parents would always take my brother and I out there to spend the day. We would always be dressed in our old patched up jeans, some raggedy old t-shirt, a baseball cap, and our rubber boots. I remember we would always go for rides on the four wheeler, help chase cattle around the cattle yards, and just do all sorts of things kids do when they're having fun. When the time came to head home, my brother and I looked like we had just taken a bath in the dirt. As a child, I wasn't really one who liked to stay inside all day. Instead, I would have much rather been outside playing with my brother getting as filthy as we possibly could. As I got a little older, I still remember continuing with the tomboy phase. My mom liked to dress me in cute girly clothes all throughout elementary school, but once I got to middle school, I found myself wanting to wear basketball shorts and a random t-shirt most days. I also didn't like to wear my hair down. I always had to have my hair in a ponytail with some sort of headband. I remember noticing that most of my friends didn't like to dress the same way I did, unless it was for P.E. My best friend throughout my childhood years, who still happens to be my best friend, was a very girly-girl. She had so many dolls that she liked to play with, and she was always dressed in the cutest clothes. I remember going over to her house and seeing all these dolls thinking to myself, why does she have so many? I also went through a phase where I never wanted to wear makeup. Even after starting high school I wasn't really interested in owning or wearing any makeup until about my junior year. Another thing I remember from my childhood was always wanting to hang out with my dad and brother. My mom was, and still is a nurse so she was always working all the time. The three of us would always like to watch football games together, or go outside and play catch with either a football or baseball. I think I adopted these tomboy characteristics because I grew up with a younger brother and just adapted to that kind of lifestyle. I can definitely say that things have drastically changed since that time of my life. Nowadays I want to wear makeup and want to dress myself in nice clothes. If someone would have told me back in middle school that when I got older I would wear nice clothes and makeup and totally change the way that I look, I don't think I would have ever believed them.