Gender Expression in my life

    Sports, sports, sports! My whole life has revolved around sports. My father even says that my first word was "ball" (I'm not sure how true that is)! Growing up I had an older brother that is four years older than me. Anyone with an older sibling knows that, as the younger one, you want to mimic and do everything the older sibling did. Therefore, I played baseball, backyard football, and basketball constantly. Even sometimes I would go with him and his friends and compete in their airsoft matches. Those only ended in tears and my mom being upset.
     As you can tell I have been a tomboy my whole life. Not only did I play the sports my brother did, but I got all of his hand me downs. Everyday I wore a pair of basketball shorts, that didn't fit, and a t shirt. My main sport was basketball. This is one of the most masculine sports that girls and guys share. Basketball doesn't have any cute, tight clothing like other female sports. Instead we wear the same thing as guys and play the game the exact same way.
    I think my gender expression was policed when I was younger and maybe even to this day because of the fact that I take basketball so seriously. I identify as a female, but sometimes due to the sports I play and the competitiveness I have, my gender expression might rise in the masculine category. The activity we did in class about holding up what gender we think the word describes in today's society showed me that boys tend to think boys are the more competitive ones. This is why I think my competitive edge I have on the basketball court can translate into other activities that bring a more masculine expression in some people's eyes.
    For example, when I was younger at recess everyone knew I would rather shoot hoops with the guys then "house" with the girls. I believe this to be an example of hegemony and habitus. Since recess was a time for the girls to hang out and gossip (habitus), they expected me to follow that social norm. However, I did not, I played with the guys and had no shame in it. This was against those girls hegemony. Until I started getting policed by these girls. These girls would call me a "tom-boy" and "boyish" and I knew it all had to do with the fact that I chose playing basketball and catch with the boys over gossiping with them.
   Another example that I experienced was when I went into Junior High School. All through middle school I dressed tom boy-ish. Then when I got into 7th and 8th grade, dances started to become a thing. No one ever saw me wear a dress. I did not have anything against dresses, I just thought my athletic apparel was more comfortable. Once the time of the dance came around, I wore the dress and heard the comment "wow I can't believe Madi is in a dress" multiple times.
  These comments never really bugged me because I was proud that I was a successful female athlete. As I went into high school and college basketball these comments were never made and I believe that is just because people are older now and more educated!