Isn't it funny how we only remember some memories and not others? I believe that is because some memories hold such significance in our lives that you cannot just forget about. Well, some may be able to relate to that and some may not. However, I typically remember the tougher times than the joyful times much more because they have been harder to forget. As I grew up, I have always known I was a girl, however I was never the hegemonic image that everyone desires to be and I knew I wasn't. I knew I wasn't because I am a twin and I have always been compared to her since day one. Being a twin is not always as fun as people view it to be. I have been abused through the hateful comments of being the "bigger twin" as people would say. Yes, I am taller by 2 inches, however for most of my life I have typically been approximately 20 pounds heavier too. Many of the kids I went to school would torture me because I was "bigger" than my twin sister. They would call me the meanest names a little girl should never hear, just because I did not look like my sister who has always had this perfect hegemonic physique. That being said, my sister for most of her life has been under a 100 pounds with a flat stomach, tiny waist, and thin torso. My self-esteem had been at the lowest in my life. Within the chapter, they explain how low self-esteem is linked to a woman's weight, body fat, and body mass. With these negative perceptions I became very depressed as a young girl. Sometimes I did not feel like a girl at all and just felt as if I was a "fat person" as I would tell my mom. I suffered from bullying until about eighth grade when my mom had started me in travel soccer with my twin sister. We both played for the QC United soccer team. This was very eye opening for me because I was learning to be a better soccer player, as well as, becoming more fit and active with my body. I was able to express my anger through aggression and speed on the soccer field. For a big girl, I was pretty fast. I remember playing a team against Clinton and one of their defenders had yelled out to her teammates, "watch out she has wheels!" This way they would keep an eye on me, so I wouldn't be able to get pass them. Soccer had changed my life. I became more confident in myself, which had helped with my self esteem. I had even began to lose weight and gain happiness. I had also made a lot of new friends who didn't see me as the "bigger twin," but saw me for me for once. Sports gave me hope that everything was going to be okay. However, I may have not been the paradox of a female athlete, but I sure did feel like an athlete and I believe that is all that matters to me.
After a different childhood than others this had only made me stronger. I do not worry about what others have to say because I love my body. My body gave me the ability to run a triathlon, earn a soccer scholarship to St. Ambrose, and most recently carry and deliver a beautiful baby boy. I am proud of who I am and who I have become after the transformation of becoming a girl to a powerful woman.
Image 1: my twin and I as young girls in matching outfits and a girly hair style
Image 2: my first year in travel soccer
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